


Je ne t'aime plus mon amour

by kingkyungsoo



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Drabble, M/M, Poor Jongdae, baekhyun has borderline personality disorder, slight trigger warning for self inflicted harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-13
Updated: 2018-03-13
Packaged: 2019-03-30 20:58:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13959879
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kingkyungsoo/pseuds/kingkyungsoo
Summary: Jongdae has never felt as trapped as he does in Baekhyun's arms.





	Je ne t'aime plus mon amour

**Author's Note:**

> So this story ended up being very angsty! All my stories are for some reason. The title is from the song je ne t'amie plus by Manu Chao and is translated to 'I do not love you anymore my love'. Sorry for what i put Jongdae through in this fic! Baekhyun's Character is extremely obsessive. I hope you enjoy it nonetheless as instead of catching up on my philosophy lectures or studying i decided to write this at 2am!

It was cold, the sort of cold that turned your nose and ears red and your fingers numb, the kind of cold where you could see your breath swirl around when you breathe out. Shaky fingers reach into a pocket and pull out a packet of cigarettes, the man was no stranger to the cold. Inside his flat, with all the windows open letting the cold morning air flow freely inside, he pretended to puff the unlit cigarette, watching his breathe rise as steam pretending it was smoke as he once did as a child. He found it almost comical, pretending to smoke when he was already very much addicted to smoking already. He let out a loud laugh, waking up his roommate. 

“What the fuck Jongdae,” his roommate Minseok groaned, “why is it so fucking cold in here?” The other complained, pulling the blankets tighter over his thin frame.

“Felt like it.” Is all Jongdae said as an explanation. His Phone pinged beside him, Jongdae already knew who is was so he made no move to read the text. Five minutes passed before his phone pinged again, but this time the sound was repeated over and over again, echoing off the walls.

“Reply to whoever the fuck is texting you or I swear to God,” Minseok growls, it’s still relatively early in the morning so Jongdae can understand his displeasure. He reluctantly gets up from the position he is sitting and grabs his phone off the floor, where it is still being flooded with messages. He unlocks his phone and opens his texts, row after row of his name, ‘jongdae’, appear and continue to appear, he quickly texts back for the other to stop and immediately after they ring his phone. He answers quickly.

“Jongdae,” The voice on the other side whines. Jongdae quickly exits the bedroom and goes into the living room. “You can't take so long to respond I was getting worried!” the other complains.

“Baekhyun,” Jongdae breathes out, leaning on the wall and letting his head fall back with a soft thud.

“I’m going to see you today right?” Baekhyun asks, but it sounds more like he is demanding rather than asking.

“Baek,” is all Jongdae replies, sadness ebbing into his voice.

“Jongdae I can’t live without you,” the other whimpers.

“I can’t do this anymore Baek.” Jongdae whispers

“Please,” Baekhyun whispers back. “Just come over.”

“Okay.” Jongdae relents, the sadness in Baekhyun’s voice making his heart ache. He quickly puts on some pants and a hoodie, slipping his shoes on before heading out into the cold. Baekhyun’s flat is not very far from his own, only a few streets over.

The air was even colder outside than it was in his own flat, the cold was good, the cold was numbing. The cold meant he didn't have to think about anything other than the fact his fingers had gone numb. Jongdae clung to that like a lifeline as he drew nearer to Baekhyun’s house. Baekhyun was waiting outside for him in nothing but a t-shirt and pajama pants. As soon as the other spotted him a wide grin broke on their face.

“Jongdae!” Baekhyun shouted, drawing the attention of a few pedestrians as he all but threw himself at Jongdae, wrapping his arms around the other and nuzzling into his neck. Jongdae made no move to to return the embrace, instead letting Baekhyun hold him for a little longer before ushering him inside.

“Kyungsoo said you wouldnt come, but I knew you would,” Baekhyun said, softly stroking the side of Jongdae’s face, “I knew you would.” Baekhyun said again, this time quieter, almost as if he was speaking to himself.

“Lets go to your room okay,” Jongdae said, refusing to meet Baekhyun’s gaze. The other agreed immediately. Grabbing Jongdae’s hand and leading him through the flat to his bedroom.

Baekhyun closes the door behind him and presses Jongdae against it, He litters feather light kisses all over Jongdae's face, starting at the corner of his lips. Jongdae's eyes flutter shut as the other finishes by sofly kissing his lips, a tear escapes, dripping slowly down his face, Baekhyun pulls back.

“I love you, don't cry,” The other says, wiping Jongdae's tear away. Jongdae remains silent. The other guides him to the bed pushed up against the wall in the cramped space. They both settle with the backs against the wall, shoulder to shoulder.

It’s cold in Baekhyun’s room, Jongdae’s hair is raised by goosebumps from the cold, but he is sweating. Anxious, Baekhyun makes him anxious. He clenches his fists in his lap to stop them shaking when he feels the others gaze on him. All Jongdae wants to do is run away, but he can’t, Baekhyun has him trapped, trapped by his unwavering gaze, trapped by a tight grip on his heart, trapped. Jongdae never wanted this, he never wanted to end up like this. Meeting Baekhyun six months ago at a party was magical, Baekhyun was the most beautiful thing Jongdae had ever seen, he never could have predicted this outcome, for Baekhyun to be like this.

“Jongdae,” he hears Baekhyun say, the other nudging his shoulder to get his attention. Jongdae continues to refuse to meet Baekhyun’s gaze. “Look at me!” Baekhyun growls, grabbing him by the jaw and turning his face to meet the others. He tries to fight them but their grip is too strong, with the force that Baekhyun is squeezing his jaw Jongdae is sure will leave bruises, but still he will not look the other in the eye. 

“Stop,” Jongdae whimpers. in a pathetic attempt to get the other to let him go, trying to squirm away.

“Look at me Jongdae!” Baekhyun insists.

“No,” Jongdae says, shaking his head trying to loosen the other grip. 

“Fine!” Baekhyun says menacingly, letting go of Jongdae and getting off the bed, he can hear the other moving things around as is trying to find something and dread fills the pit of Jongdae's stomach. It’s silent for a few moments until he hears the sound of a lighter being flicked. “I’ll burn myself if you don’t,”

Jongdae looks up to the sight of baekhyun standing at the edge of the bed holding the lighter above his arm, ready to press the flame against his skin. Jongdae’s eyes well up with tears, meeting the eyes of a crazed looking Baekhyun, whose eyes are bloodshot red and crazed. Jongdae slowly gets up with shaking legs and stands in front of Baekhyun, taking hold of the hand Baekhyun is clutching with the lighter.

“Tell me you love me,” Baekhyun says, moving the flame closer to his arm.

“I love you,” Jongdae whispers, letting the tears fall. Baekhyun drops the lighter grabbing Jongdae's jaw again but this time much softer, He looks into Baekhyun's eyes, watching them flicker back and forth across his face. 

“Don’t ever leave me,” Baekhyun says desperately, before kissing Jongdae's unresponsive lips as tears continue to fall. Baekhyun’s lips taste like smoke and Jongdae feels bile rising in his throat. Baekhyun pushes him back onto the bed, straddling him.

“You’re so Beautiful Dae,” Baekhyun says, looking at him adoringly as if the last 5 minutes never happened. “Beautiful boys like you shouldn't cry, they shouldn't be sad, want me to make you happy?” Baekhyun says playfully.

“Baek-” Jongdae starts to say, but baekhyun cuts him off with a soft peck, more tears stream from Jongdae’s eyes and Baekhyun kisses them away. This is the Baekhyun Jongdae fell in love with, not the other, monster, from before.

“So perfect, so pretty, so delicate, my precious little Jongdae,” Baekhyun says smiling, eyes crinkling cutely at the corners how Jongdae loves oh so much. Baekhyun kisses him again and this time Jongdae gives in, kissing back, softly at first but quickly intensifying. Baekhyun always gets what he wants, and Baekhyun wants Jongdae, and Jongdae can never say no.

Baekhyun rolls off Jongdae, settling beside him moving Jongdae so his head is pressed against Baekhyun’s heart. Baekhyun’s hand settles in Jongdae’s hair softly running his fingers through it. The scene is picturesque, Jongdae can almost fool himself into thinking they are a normal couple, but they aren't. The silence rings loud in Jongdae ears, his chest aches, and he's not sure if it’s the cold or his heart beating painfully. He doesn't love Baekhyun, at least not the same way the other loves him. He cares for the other, but it's fear of what the other will do to himself that makes him remain in his arms, trapped.

He looks at Baekhyun’s exposed arm, he looks at the burn marks from the times that Jongdae didn't listen, he looks at the scars Baekhyun inflicted on himself because of him. He looks at the thick bandage wrapped around his lower forearm, evidence of the pain he had caused Baekhyun when he broke up with him a week ago, a desperate attempt for Jongdae's attention, and it had worked. 

Baekhyun lays there humming a happy tune with a smile on his lips, feeling content and pleased with himself, this time Jongdae wouldn't leave him, Baekhyun was sure of it.


End file.
